


Three Missions

by butterflybooks



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fantasy Racism, Gen, Pre-Series, This is basically about how all shadowhunters are child soldiers, which should not be a surprise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 02:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12520928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflybooks/pseuds/butterflybooks
Summary: Magnus traces the stealth rune on his shoulder. “What was your first mission like?”The story of three missions.I. AlecII. JaceIII. Izzy





	Three Missions

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't really know how to warn for this besides saying that it actually deals with some of the stuff raised by the show. I started writing this after the episode about sending Max on missions. Look how tiny he is, shadowhunter culture is disturbing as all hell.
> 
> So, in this chapter: child soldiers, implications of emotional abuse and dangerous situations
> 
> Or, in other words, the Lightwoods.

I.  
 _Magnus traces the stealth rune on his shoulder. “What was your first mission like?”_

_Alec thinks for a moment. Magnus rarely shows interest in his job as such – at least the demon killing side of it. Alec quite likes it. It’s not as though there’s much to tell._

_“Annoying,” he says and, when Magnus raises an eyebrow, “The guy leading it didn’t know what he was doing. Made us split up.”_

_Magnus keeps running his fingers over the rune – which is unfair, and he knows it. “So you were alone.” Alec isn’t sure if that’s a question._

_“Yeah.”_

_“Were you afraid?”_

_He hesitates. But it’s Magnus. “Yes.”_

-

“You’re so lucky,” Izzy says from where she’s lying upside down on his bed. “Hey,” she swivels and props herself up on her elbows. “Do you think mom and dad would let me come along too?”

Alec frowns. “You haven’t even had your rune ceremony, Iz. You’re not old enough.”

“Ugh,” Izzy throws herself back down on the bed. Then, after a pause, “Who are you going with?”

“Bullwright and Ashwell.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

Alec straightens up self-importantly. “I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“Alec!”

“I’m _not_.”

Izzy leaps up from the bed and launches herself at him, landing on his back. 

“Ow! Izzy, get off.”

“Tell me!”

They’re both laughing even as Alec bats ineffectually at his sister when the door swings open. They both fall silent and Izzy slips to the floor.

Their mother raises her eyebrows. “I need a word with Alec, Isabelle.”

“All right,” she sticks her tongue out at him from behind her mother’s back as she goes out the door. Alec fights down the urge to respond and instead meets his mother’s gaze.

“Are you prepared?” 

Alec stiffens. “Of course.”

His mother crosses and sits on the end of his bed. “I know you will be,” she says softly, and it burns in his chest – that rare approval. “Come here.”

He crosses over to his mother and stands in front of her. She reaches out and adjusts his jacket collar. “Your father and I are so proud of you, you know that.”

He nods and stops himself from smiling. “Thank you.”

“Your test scores are excellent. You were top of your class in weapons and not far off in hand-to-hand.”

Alec nods, but looks down. He could probably have done better in hand-to-hand, only after he had broken that boy’s nose he didn’t think they had wanted to give it to him.

“It’s natural to be afraid.”

Alec’s head shoots up.

“But the important thing is that you don’t indulge in it. You need to use it to make you stronger. We are shadowhunters. Above all, we are Lightwoods. We are not slaves to our emotions. We control them.”

Alec nods, trying to look as though he absolutely _can_ control his emotions. Which he _can_.

His mom puts her hand on his cheek. “You will be fine. You will do us proud,” she smiles. “Let’s show them what us Lightwoods can do.”

Alec does smile then and his mother smiles too, before stroking his cheek and walking to the door.

“Report at 2100,” she reminds him before she leaves. He nods. He remembers.

He had been called into his father’s office earlier that day and had been told that he would be going on his first mission. His father had seemed a little hesitant to tell him. Alec had thought it must be because he didn’t think he could do it. But he can. His mother knows that.

Alec does too.

-

He can’t see the others.

Ashwell is seventeen and she’s quite a good fighter; Bullwright is too, but clearly putting him in charge of this mission had been a mistake. Alec knows that _he_ can’t be in charge. Not yet. Even though one day he will be. But Bullwright hadn’t told him where they were going, had just ran out, Ashwell having been told to scout the perimeter.

Alec pushes the ball of fear down. He is in control of his emotions, even if he can’t be in control of his fellow shadowhunters.

He crouches behind an abandoned crate. They’d tracked the demons to the deserted warehouse. He’d done the tracking. Bullwright had ruffled his hair – which he hated – and said he’d done a good job.

Alec does not need to be told he’s done a good job by _Bullwright_.

Especially since Bullwright has now disappeared and apparently can’t even keep track of a simple mission. Alec swallows and thinks.

They know the demon is here. But there’s no noise to tell him where and the others haven’t been in contact at all.

It’s possible, he realises – like ice water washing over him – that they’re already dead.

But that’s stupid, he tells himself. Shadowhunters go out on missions all the time. It’s a straightforward enough. They don’t die on them.

Well. _He’s_ certainly not going to.

He reaches back for an arrow in order to ready himself.

Think. Training first. Don’t let emotions get in the way. They’ve tracked the demon here. The demon _is_ here. If he can’t hear it, it’s because it’s hiding.

So why is he?

He straightens up and feels better for not cowering. For a moment, there’s nothing more. Then there’s a rustling from behind him. Alec whips round. 

Scorpio demon. A lesser demon. Armoured. Several weak spots.

_Fast._

Alec gets off an arrow, but his hands are shaking and it bounces off one of the scorpio’s armoured plates without enough force. Then the demon is on him. He cries out as one of its pincers stabs through his arm.

There is a moment where everything stops and narrows to one thought: _I am going to die._

The demon makes a horrible screeching sound and rears upwards.

_I am going to die._

He is a _Lightwood_. He is not dying on a warehouse floor at the mercy of a lesser demon. 

His free hand scrabbles at his side and he finds his stele. He holds the blade up so that it impales itself as it comes down. It explodes on top of him, blood flying into his eyes.

And then. It’s over.

Scorpio. Solitary demons.

Usually.

He wipes the ichor out of his eyes. Ichor. Not blood. A demon. It needed to die.

He scrambles to his feet, but the warehouse is still and silent.

And he is not dead.

His arm hurts, but his hands are still shaking too badly to safely draw an iratze. He’s sure he can cope with the pain for a little while longer.

“Lightwood?”

He turns. It’s Ashwell.

“You got it then? Good job. There were some shax on the perimeter.” She squints. “Where’s Bullwright?”

Alec shrugs. He doesn’t trust his voice right now.

She scans over him. “You need an iratze for that?”

He nods and extends his arm, she doesn’t mention his trembling, just pats his arm as she draws the rune onto him. He doesn’t flinch and feels the wound start to knit back together. It’s not too bad actually, felt worse when it happened but was only through the outside of his arm.

“Thanks,” he says, his voice now steady. She pats him on the shoulder slightly awkwardly. 

“No problem.” She looks around. “We need to get out of here.”

They go to find Bullwright, who they find still searching round the perimeter. He says that he was looking for Ashwell and she almost seems touched. Alec rolls his eyes.

He has to wait till they get back to the institute to get the blood off him.

-

He splashes water in his face. He’s already showered in order to wash the demon blood off him. He’s got to add to the report to the Clave tomorrow. His mom had been there when he got back. She had spoken to Ashwell before coming to tell him that she was proud of him and sent him off to bed.

He killed his first demon today.

He looks at himself in the mirror and reaches to trace over his deflect rune; it’s one of his most visible. He’s always liked it. His mom and father have both got it in a similar position and he likes having one so visible. It reminds him…

He killed his first demon today.

He’s heard all the stories. How battle fever overcomes shadowhunters; it’s hard to think straight. You’ll just want to fight. Had that been what it was? He’s pretty sure he just felt _scared_.

His mom had told him that she was proud.

He should be proud too. This is what he’s worked for. He’s a proper shadowhunter now. He did well. He managed on his own. He killed a demon. 

He _is_ proud, he decides.

When the demon had dissipated, he hadn’t felt anything.

Not relief. Not joy. Not satisfaction.

It’ll get better. It has to. He’s a _shadowhunter_. This is what he was born to do. He’ll feel the way he’s meant to soon.

There’s a light knocking at the door. He freezes. He knows it’ll be Izzy, but he really does not want to talk to her right now. He stays very still and hopes she’ll take the hint and go away.

Then he realises what he’s doing. Has he _met_ Izzy?

He goes to the door and Izzy steps inside, her face alight with curiosity.

“By the angel,” she says. “I can’t believe you didn’t come find me. I heard you killed a demon – was it amazing? You tracked them, right? What type was it? Where did you go?”

Alec goes back to the sink and rolls his eyes at her litany of questions. She leans against one of the shower cubicles.

“Scorpio,” he says. “We tracked it to a warehouse, but then everyone got laid up with shax so I had to-” he breaks off. This is probably good; it gives him a chance to rehearse what he’s going to say to the Clave.

“And what was actually killing a demon _like_?”

“It was-” He leans forward on the sink and thinks about how he didn’t feel a damn thing. Just one more way that he’s not- This is what he’s _for_ and he can’t even _feel_ it right. A tear hits the sink. His.

And then he’s shaking and he _can’t_ be doing this. Everyone does this. Every shadowhunter manages this fine. And he’s not just any shadowhunter. He’s a good one. He’s a Lightwood. And he’s crying over a sink over killing one stupid demon.

“Oh, _Alec,_ ” he feels Izzy come and stand next to him. She puts a hand on his arm and he turns into her and just clings. At some point, they both sink down on to the tiles and sit leaning against the wall.

At some point, Izzy starts talking – about really stupid stuff. Stuff that Alec would normally say he wasn’t interested in. As it is, he just leans his head onto her shoulder, closes his eyes and lets her voice wash over him.


End file.
